The
holidays are a time for gatherings of family and
friends. It is a time of sharing, food,
and football. But if you are on the
streets, the holidays are, at worst, a time of
guilt and loneliness, and at best, a holiday
"photo-op" for the local paper's annual
"feeding-the-needy" article.
The
feelings of guilt are ever pressing. They
spur on feelings of inadequacy and shame - shame
for not being productive or "good enough" to
figure out what is wrong. In the battle
for worth in our lives, loneliness is ever
present. In the battle for our hearts and
minds, we feel like the loser.
But
we walk forward, pushing through the fog to make
sense of this season, to find our part in this
time of giving when we feel so inadequate for
the task.
We
have spent time with our families, sitting in
the corner, hearing the murmurs and the
whispers. We also see the looks. We
must endure those who minimize their own
struggles, using us as an example of how good
they have it.
We
stand in the lines for a bit of turkey, a drink,
and a smile, hoping no one sees us or feels our
pain, our hurt, our sorrow. The food is
good; the smiles are wonderful, but the
pain is strong.
We
sit, listening...so faint the voice of hope. We sit and wonder and argue with our heart and
soul. And we sit...quietly.
Les Jones
