90/10 Secret
We really
have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We
cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane may be
late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A
driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control
over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine
the other 90%!
How?
By your reaction.
Let's use an example....
You're eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter
knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt.
You have no control over what just happened. What
happens next will be determined by how you react. You
harshly scold your daughter for knocking the coffee cup
over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you
turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the
cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal
battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your
shirt. Back downstairs you find your daughter has been
too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for
school - she misses the bus. Your spouse must leave
immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your
daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40
miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
You have a miserable day at work but are not sure why
everything seems to go wrong. You look forward to going
home. When you arrive home you find small wedge in your
relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why?
Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did your colleagues cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your
bad day. Here is what could have and should have
happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is
about to cry. You gently say "It's OK honey, you just
need to be more careful next time".
Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new
shirt and your briefcase. You come back down in time
look through the window and see your child getting on
the bus. She turns and waves. You and your spouse kiss
before you both go to work. You arrive 5 minutes early
and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on
how good of day you are having. Notice the difference.
Two different scenarios. Both started the same, but
ended differently.
Why?
Because of how you REACTED.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 secret:
If someone says something negative about you, do not be
a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass.
You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong
reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired,
getting stressed out, etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do
you lose your temper? Pound the steering wheel? Does
your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?
WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why
let the other driver ruin your day?
The plane is late. It is going to mangle your schedule
for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight
attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use
your time to study, get to know the other passengers,
etc. Why get stressed out?
You now know the 90-10 secret -
apply it and
you will be amazed at the results!
by Rashid.A.V.
